For the First Time in Forever
by Bella Skywalker
Summary: For the first time in forever, Anika did not feel emotional pain. Companion to "One Moment". (Gender-bending)


_A/N: Hi, guys! This is a one-shot companion to one of my other one-shots, "One Moment". It's been running in my head for a while, and I got such nice feedback from "One Moment", I decided to add another one-shot. This is NOT a songfic of the Frozen song "For the First Time in Forever", it's purely title._

_Hope you like it :)_

_Also, I do not own Star Wars. Not do I own Disney._

**For the First Time in Forever**

For the first time in forever, Anika did not feel emotional pain.

The physical pain was there, though. Sidious' lightning was extremely painful, she felt her lungs would burst into flames. Her breathing was uneasy, due to the damage of her suit. It no longer helped her pump oxygen into her lungs as it did for twenty three years. She could feel the toxins enter her body and slowly killing her.

But she didn't care.

Lady Vader, as she had been previously referred to for over twenty years, was feared across the galaxy. She had killed hundreds of Jedi in the Purge, led thousands of troops to battle, and secured many planets for the Empire. She never showed mercy to anyone, including her own officers. Although she ordered for her suit to make her appear as a man- she hated her curves to be shown off, and her boots added height as well- she was always referred to as Lady Vader- _Darth_ Vader to her Master.

She was Terror. She was Horror. She was Destruction.

She was _Death_.

At this moment, she did not care for this, either.

All she cared about was Luke.

The young boy-no, he wasn't a boy anymore. When she had seen him for the first time in almost two decades, he was a _boy_. Short hair, his clothes covered in sand, at least it appeared to be sand, but it also looked like dirt. She knew instantly he grew up on Tatooine- his skin gave away a worn out appeal. He was only eighteen, almost nineteen, at that time, but the Force was strong with him.

Now, though, he had grown.

He was a _young man._

And a _Jedi Knight._

Four years ago, when Vader captured Princess Leia on the first Death Star, and Luke came to save her- Luke did not know at the time, but she was his sister- Vader could tell he was strong in the Force. His connection was just as strong as hers, perhaps stronger. She knew her connection was rather... weak, since she was embedded into her suit. It had been stronger when she was Anika Skywalker.

_Strange, the rebel's last name is Skywalker, _Vader had mused.

When she heard that a rebel named Skywalker was the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, she knew he was Force sensitive. It was the only way to explain it- how could a pilot guide proton torpedoes into a thermal exhaust port only two meters wide?

However, she never considered that he was her son, at first.

She was taken aback when she discovered his name was Luke... _Padlon_ had chosen that name out, while she chose the name Leia. She remembered how she wanted a girl, one who looked exactly like her husband, and he a boy with bright blue eyes and blonde hair.

When she went into early labour, she was scared the twins would die. Why would she go into labor two months before the due date? She knew twins usually were born at least a month to a few weeks before due dates, but two months seemed too early. Poor Luke and Leia were incubated for a long time... they were so tiny, but so strong.

She was heart-broken when she was told they had died, not long after she was placed in her suit. She wanted to die when she went to her husband's funeral- died from an infected wound caused by a lightsaber. _Her_ lightsaber.

She didn't consider Luke to be her son, mainly since the name _Luke_ was rather common. Still, Vader held onto the hope of her children still alive, although her mind said eitherwise.

It was at the battle of Hoth when she realized Luke was her son. She so happened to acquire some of his DNA she came across from his room at the Rebel Base-his Force signature drew her to it, and she had the DNA (a stran of blonde hair) tested with her blood. A medical droid confirmed the DNA came from her offspring.

_So Luke did not die as Palpatine told me,_ she had mused, with some anger.

Using Captain Solo and Princess Leia was a considerable trap to draw Skywalker to her. If he was anything like she was at his age, he would do anything to save his friends (even dismay his own judgement of such a trap). Calorissian was of no use to her, she had the bounty hunters trace him with Solo from the past, as both had worked together, so she wasn't surprised when he joined with the Rebels.

When she faced Luke for the first time, she couldn't control herself.

He was a rather formidable oponent. Not deadly though. He lack the amount of training she even went through (a Jedi spent twenty years to become a Knight, while it took her ten years). His connection with the Force was his only help- she knew Obi-Wan could not help him.

Her plan worked out perfectly, except she didn't mean to cut off his hand.

_Of course, I had both my arms and legs cut off, and I'm perfectly fine,_ she remembered thinking to herself.

She had offered for him to join her, and that he didn't know the entire truth of his mother and father. Knowing Kenobi, he would have fed the boy lies of his parentage. She was right; Luke claimed Vader murdered them after his mother gave birth to him, out of jealousy that his father chose her over Vader.

_Such ignorance_, she had thought.

_"No...I am your mother."_

_"No! You-you can't be! Obi-Wan said-"_

_"Luke, search your feelings; you know it's true. We are both strong in the Force, we can sense each other's presences easily, and we can communicate through the Force."_

_"I don't believe it!"_

_"The Emperor knows of your abilities. _I_ know of your abilities. With our combined strength, we can defeat the Emperor and rule the galaxy as mother and son."_

She remembered she had asked Padlon the same question on Mustafar.

After he fell through the shaft, she searched for him again for another year. It wasn't until yesterday she saw him once again, when he decided to turn himself in on the moon of Endor.

_"So, you have accepted the truth," she had stated to her son. He stood around the same height as her._

_"I accepted that you were once Anika Skywalker, my mother," he responded, with conviction._

_How dare he use that name. She pointed his deactivated lightsaber towards him, as if it were a threat. "That name no longer has a meaning to me!"_

_"It is purely the true name of your true self. You've only forgotten it, Mother."_

Mother...

_"There is good in you, I have felt it. The good which prevents you from killing me." He was really pulling strings here. He turned away from her. "It also stops you from taking me from your Master."_

_She was dumbstruck, for once._

Only Padlon could do that, _she_ _remembered_.

_She activated his lightsaber. "A new hilt. Firm grip, yet flexible. Form V, I assume?" she chuckled. "Obi-Wan used that same Form as well. It is grieving he and Yoda cannot help you now. They have taught you well, son." She deactivated it. "The Emperor will be eager to complete your training."_

_Luke faced her again. "There is conflict within you, Mother. Let go of your hate! I know the Emperor hasn't driven you from it fully."_

_Vader sighed. "It is... to late for me, Luke."_

_The look which Luke gave her was of disappointment. "Then... my mother is truly dead."_

The next few hours were painful, as she and the Emperor tried to persuade Luke into joining the Dark side. Twice, he was tempted to turn. He had fought her when he tried to attack the Emperor, and when she discovered that Leia had survived.

_"So... Leia did live. Obi-Wan must have given her to Bail Organa after your father's death. Well, his failure is now complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side, perhaps Leia will."_

Luke was relentless. He had attacked her again until he sliced off her right hand, just as she had a year ago. The Emperor seemed impressed, congratulating Luke on Vader's defeat.

_You deserve to kill me, Luke, _she had thought. She deserved to die.

But, for some reason, he didn't. He threw his lightsaber at the Emperor in defeat, and, confidently proclaimed:

_"You have failed, Your Highness. I am a Jedi, like my mother, Anika Skywalker, before me."_

The Emperor was not pleased. His response was simple: he raised his hands and electrocuted the Jedi.

Vader slowly got back to her feet. Luke screamed as the lightning scorched his body. The Apprentice knew how he felt: it was almost as bad as being lit on fire...

_"Mother... Anika... Please!" Luke begged, as he reached for Vader, the lightning continued to burn him._

_Anika..._

Something had cracked within her._ Luke is my son... _Despite everything she had done, he was willing to forgive her. Just as Padlon was. Both had forgiven her for her deeds when everyone either did not forgive her or feared her.

And what did _Palpatine_ do?

He _lied_ to her. He said he had the power to protect Luke, Leia and Padlon from dying. But now, Luke was being killed by the same man...no..._monster_. He imprisoned her within the forsaken suit and enslaved her for twenty-three years. He turned her into a _monster_.

And she was too ignorant to see that.

Anger had fueled up within her. She wanted to kill Palpatine badly, to avenge everyone who had died at her hands because of his actions and lies.

_No... Let go of your hate..._

That wasn't Luke's it wasn't Padlon or Shmi's voice._  
_

It was Anika's voice.

It was though she was trying to fight Vader.

The suited woman allowed herself to be free of hate. She thought of Padlon, her husband. She thought of her mother, sweet, loving and kind.

Most importantly, she thought of her son. No, _Padlon's_ son.

Luke _was_ Padlon...

Both were compassionate, they were willing to _forgive_ her.

After all of the terrible things she did.

With as much strength as she could muster, she grabbed a hold of Palpatine and held him in the air. Confused, the Emperor had electrocuted her. Despite the pain, she carried him to the shaft and threw him down the pit.

_Good riddance_, she had thought, before she had blanked out.

In the present moment, she was having flashbacks of her life before Vader: meeting Padlon for the first time, winning her first Podrace, training under Obi-Wan, marrying Padlon on Naboo, fighting in the Clone Wars with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, finding out she was pregnant...

_If only I could relive those moments..._

"Mother, are you alright?"

Anika opened her eyes. Her world was still grim and red, but Luke was now looking down at her. She felt she was up against a ramp or something. She could sense people trying to get onto ships before the Death Star blew up. _So they _did_ destroy the shield..._

The toxins burned her lungs and she could hear the unsteady, broken breathing of her rasperator. _I'm as good as dead_, she thought. Darkness was around her, blurring her imperfect vision. She knew what it meant.

She didn't have much time left.

"Luke, please. Take my mask off."

_Please, I need to see my son._

Luke looked shocked at her. "But... you'll die, Mother."

With as much strength as she could, she placed her hand, her droid hand, on his flesh shoulder. "Nothing... can stop that now. I just wish to see you with my own eyes, and not through these dumb-ass lenses."

It would seem as though Anika's sarcastic humor had returned.

Luke smiled slightly, perhaps not truly understanding the sarcasm, and obliged. He gently unhooked her helmet, then her mask steadily off her face.

For the first time in forever, mother and son gazed upon each other.

Anika mustered a smile. "I was certain you'd have brown eyes." It was true; she pictured Luke to have brown eyes and brown hair, like Padlon. Instead, Luke bared her blue eyes, and former blonde hair.

She was also take aback by her voice. It was no longer the deep, raspy voice she had heard for over twenty years. It actually sounded like a woman's voice.

Luke bit his lip. "Come on, I'm going to take you back to Endor."

He gestured to pick her up, but she refused. "No, Luke. Leave me." The pain in her lungs was unbearable, and the darkness was clouding her vision.

Luke shook his head. "No, Mom. I can't _leave_ you here! I-I have to save you!" Tears seemed to form in his eyes.

Anika sighed, as she tried to breath. "You have already, Luke. Despite everything, you believed there was good in me. You were right." She coughed. She didn't know how much longer she could fight the darkness. "Tell Leia you were right."

A tear escaped Luke's eye. "Mom, please don't go! Please don't leave me!" he pleaded.

Anika smiled. "I love you, Luke. Thank you."

Closing her eyes, Anika let the darkness consume her. She finally let go of her fear, her anger, her hate, and now she no longer suffered.

She knew Luke would be safe. He was smart, and he would use his connection with the Force to escape. And he was a good pilot.

She knew Leia was safe. Although she never truly met her daughter, she knew she was a fighter like Padlon, and hard-headed like herself. Her Force signature ran strong like her brother's, and it was alive.

Anika sighed for the last time, because for the first time in forever...

Anika Skywalker was at peace.

**The End**.


End file.
